So, I finally finished Mass Effect 3 this past weekend. And yes, I was disappointed with the ending, as are tens of thousands of other Mass Effect fans. We get it. Bad ending is bad. But let’s not pretend like the ending was the only problem this game had.
To start with, let’s discuss how they handled my favorite odd-speaking insect-like alien species, The Rachni. Sorry, Vincent D’Onofrio. It’s a video game staple that giant ugly things will eventually try to kill you, so it was against all my instincts to let the Rachni Queen survive in the first Mass Effect game. But the promise of the Rachni race “adding its voice to ours” in the inevitable final battle was too alluring to refuse. Little did I realize that this was only fancy bug alien talk for “we’ll help you build your giant magic space gun.” I thought this decision would have some major impact down the line. Nope. Whether you let the Queen live or not, they Rachni race still ends up recovering, then being owned by the Reapers. The only difference your decision made was that if you didn’t let the Queen live, the Rachni eat some of your scientists and you lose some Galactic Readiness points, which are completely pointless anyway.
And speaking of pointless, remember all those people who died during the Suicide Mission in ME2? Well, the game doesn’t. They’ve all been replaced with people who fill the exact same role without missing a beat. Sure, their replacements don’t know or trust you as well as your fallen comrades would have, so you might lose some GR, but as I’ve already said, GR is BS.
And speaking of bullshit, what the hell is up with the cut scene incompetence of Shepard and his crew? When three people with guns, telekinesis, and holographic energy shivs just stand idly and watch as their terminally ill friend takes on MGS4’s Raiden, on space-steroids, I can’t help but pound my head into the wall. And when I get to fight this prick for the first time I have him shieldless, naked, and defenseless in seconds, but when the cut scene comes in he hands our asses to us. He literally picks up one of my crew and throws them ass-first into the rest. And then takes off with our VI. What the hell!?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for losing a fight for the sake of story, but have at least be believable in the context of the game and the story. Don’t just have my squad mates magically forget how to pull a trigger. I mean, I watched Shep kill a Reaper with his bare hands, but he can’t handle Space-Raiden? Please!
And alas, poor Legion. Poor, stupid, Legion. Can’t anyone restore this guy from backup? I know Legion’s was a unique case, but all of the Geth are just programs, right? Did they not believe in off-site backups? And why exactly did he need to “kill” himself to upgrade his friends? Who designed this upgrade, Microsoft?
And they don’t say why it’s like this. Just that he has to do it. Why can’t one of the other, not as badass, Geth do it? One of the ugly ones who I didn’t survive a suicide mission to save the human race with?
And speaking of people I survived a suicide mission with, not one of those jerks wanted to come back on my team? Not one!? So much for loyalty. I mean, after all we’ve been through, I would’ve liked to have one of my ragtag band of misfits back at my side. Hell, I would’ve even taken Jacob back!
And my last, and by far most petty, gripe is disk changing. Talk about a mood killer.
Thessia is burning. And there’s nothing we can do. The Reapers are devouring the entire galaxy. And Cerebus needs to pay. Punch in those coordinates, Joker, and let’s finish this fight once and for all. This is for Thane. This is for Thessia. This is for the fate of the entire galaxy!
Please Insert Disk 2.
Now I have to get off my ass, walk all the way across the room and switch out the disk. Oh yeah, it’s just a video game. Thanks for the reminder, Bioware. I guess Cerebus can wait until tomorrow. What’s new on Netflix?