Tag Archives: valentine’s day

Random (aka Mega Ran) – Splash Woman

Happy Valentine’s Day, Knurds.

My gift to you is a love song about the classic story of robotic boy meets mechanical mermaid. And then they fight to the death. It’s a tale as old as time.

Random, a.k.a. Mega Ran, is a Philly born and Phoenix based rapper known for his combination of video game influenced beats and creative rhymes. In a world filled with hip-hop stereotypes and gimmicks, Random’s style is a refreshing breath of realism. Despite rapping about fighting robots.

Another of his songs, the Jeremy Lin rap, has been receiving a lot of attention in the last few weeks and has been featured on ESPN, NBC Sports, The Harvard Crimson, and a ton of other places. Listen to that here.

And don’t forget to get to order your tickets for his upcoming tour here.


Why Mario Will Never Score With The Princess

Mario has saved lands, liberated worlds, and rescued galaxies, but there is still one stage that he will never escape: The Friend Zone.

I know that no relationship is perfect, but Mario and Peach are the most dysfunctional couple in video history. And that includes Batman and The Joker in Arkham City.

Princess Toadstool gets abducted every other Thursday, and yet the Mushroom Kingdom refuses to beef up security. And why would they when the Princess has her own personal bodyguard wrapped around her pinky finger?

Not only will Mario journey across eight worlds and a special zone to save her, but she even has him picking up all the money he can carry before he gets to her. Her knight in shining overalls has defeated dinosaurs, dragons, ghosts, and aggressive agriculture to save his beloved. And what’s his reward for all of this effort? A kiss on the cheek.

The same kiss on the cheek his brother gets if he makes it to the final castle first.

It’s easy to see why Peach doesn’t share Mario’s romantic interest. Mario is short, chubby, and old enough to own a plumbing/construction/pizza company back in Brooklyn. Meanwhile, Peach is young, blonde, and doesn’t even look old enough to vote.

Of course, there might be another reason Peach doesn’t reciprocate Mario’s feelings. Perhaps someone else has snared the fair Princess’s heart. But who could it be?

Who else could it be, besides the only other person she spends the majority of her time with? He’s powerful. He’s dangerous. He’s royalty. And let’s be adults, we all know those Koopalings didn’t come from nowhere. Wendy even has her mother’s eyes.

Yet, Mario still can’t seem to take a hint.
“Hey, Peach. Want to go play tennis/golf/go karts?”
“Sure. Who else is going? Is Bowser coming?”

Sorry, Mario, but your Princess is in another castle.